Child Training
Excerpted from the book From Chaos to Calm by Melissa Ringstaff
Scripture Memory: “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
I remember holding my son for the very first time and gazing with wonder that he was mine. What would he become? The answer to that question was found not in a book, but in my willingness to patiently teach him day by day.
James was my first and I had prepared myself as best I could for the job of being a mom. I read every book I could get my hands on. I wanted to know the best ways to do everything from feeding him to disciplining him.
That was nineteen years ago. One thing I have learned is that on the job training never ends. There is always more to learn. As a baby grows into a child and then into a teenager the problems a mother is faced with grow and change and only get more complex.
I now have five beautiful children of my own and through the years have learned that children require a great deal of patience and teaching. With each child I have learned better ways and new ways of dealing with the same problems. In all honesty, there are things I wish I could go back and change, but, unfortunately, any mistakes we make as moms cannot be undone.
How can a mother raise a child who loves the Lord, works hard, and is kind to others when this world encourages immorality?
Begin as soon as possible. Whether you have a newborn baby or teen, begin setting an example for Godly living today. It will be easier to change bad habits in a very young child than an older child, but it is possible to teach children at any age.
Be consistent. One of the biggest mistakes moms make is being inconsistent. When you tell your child the rules, follow through. If little Johnny knows he is not supposed to jump on the sofa, do not ignore the bad behavior because you don’t feel like dealing with a fuss or because you are busy.
Be patient. Being a mom is not always easy. You will have to teach your child the same principles over and over… and over again. Sometimes these teaching moments will be painful. When your child tests your resolve by mouthing off, it pains your heart. Patience will help you to deal with the disobedience without losing your cool. Patience will also help you to enjoy those many teachable moments. For instance, my children crowd around me in the kitchen to help. Often when cooking supper, I am rushed and wanting to get supper on the table fast. However, if I take the time to let the children stir the batter, tear the salad, or flip the patties, I have taught them how to love by my willingness to be patient.
Be firm. Children need to know their limits. If you allow your child complete freedom without setting specific limits, you will raise children who are out of control and rude. Parents who set reasonable rules for their children have children who are secure in their love and who are able to respect authority on a greater leave, i.e. teachers, employers, the government. Remember – if you say NO, do not give in and say YES. Whining, badgering, and complaining should never be a reason to change your mind. You will teach your children that if they beg long enough you will eventually wear down.
Be an example. If it is important to you that your children are well mannered, respect others, and work hard set the standard by your own behavior. Children learn more by watching you that they do by listening to you. Always remember to say please and thank you. If your child brings you a flower or helps to clean up, tell him thank you. When you are thoughtful of the needy in your church or community, you are setting a good example. If you want your child to learn to be neat, make sure you keep your own things picked up.
Be fun. Motherhood will pass by faster than you could ever imagine. I am still in shock that my son is almost 16! I wish I had realized years ago how much I wanted to hang onto the precious times we had together. Read to your child daily. Play games with your child. Laugh with your child. Explore the world together. Find the magic in the everyday moments. Snuggle as much as possible.
Be a witness. Giving a solid foundation of Biblical teaching is the greatest gift you can give your child. Pray with your child every morning and every night. Read the Bible together. Study together. Talk about the Scriptures and how the Bible applies to today. Show your child what it means to live a Godly life.
There will be times when you feel that all your hard work is not working! But you can trust God when he says, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
Melissa Ringstaff is the Founding Director of A Virtuous Woman, a pastor’s wife, and homeschooling mom. She is the author of several titles including The Homemaker’s Journal: Keeping House, If It Were Not So…, Spring Cleaning for the Heart and Home and From Chaos to Calm: 15 Weeks to a Happy Home.
A Year of Family Worship: Scripture Adventures
Yesterday I discovered a new Scripture Memory product that you can download for free! Scripture Adventures 21 Day Bible Memory Verse Challenge is perfect for your whole family!
Over the course of 21 days you and your children will learn 12 meaningful verses from the Bible. Here is what the author says at the beginning of the e-workbook:
21 DAY BIBLE VERSE MEMORY CHALLENGE
They say it takes 21 days to form a new habit. Why not form a habit that will put God’s Word in the hearts of your children for a lifetime? In the next twenty-one days, you and your children will begin a journey that will get you learning and loving the messages of the Bible. In just five minutes a day, you will help your children memorize, review, and retain important Bible verses that will help them love and live God’s Word.
The e-workbook is well-done, and the ideas and activities presented will help you and your children form a solid habit of memorizing Scripture.
Scripture memory is such an important gift we can give our children (and ourselves) so why not make it fun?
This week, my daughter Emily has taken a special interest in selecting verses for us to memorize. Because she showed an interest, I have encouraged her to continue choosing verses for us to memorize as a family. Assigning children different responsibilities for Family Worship time helps them feel connected to the family and a part of the worship experience.
What have you been up to this week?
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If you would like to take part in A Year of Family Worship, add your blog to the Mr. Linky below. If you don’t have a blog, you can add your comments in the comment section! You can read about A Year of Family Worship here. And you can see the 52 Weeks of Family Worship here.
Each Wednesday, we will add a new post for A Year of Family Worship and you can do the same. Share your goals, experiences, and ideas for family worship with the rest of us!
If you do not have a blog… you can either post your ideas here in the comments or even join our Proverbs 31 Sisters Network and get a free blog that way!
When you add your link below with the Mr.Linky… please add the link directly to your post on Family Worship – not to your main blog. This way, folks don’t have to go searching for the Family Worship post!
Homeschool Freebies – March 23, 2010
Here are some fun, free ideas, activities, and products you can download just in time for Spring!
- Easter Lapbook from Scripture Adventures
- Take Me Home – He Has Risen!
- Bird Nesting Bag
- Live Owl Nest Box WebCam – Perfect to go with this free Owl Lapbook Study
- 5-Day Easter Unit Study
- Maple Syrup Unit Study
- The Real Easter Story
Q & A: How to Wake Up Without Waking the Kids
Photo Credit: Mehmet Goren
Q: Hi Melissa! I am reading through some of the Spring Cleaning reading you’ve given us, and I’m coming across a question that I’ve had in the past and have never come up with a solution for. How do I manage waking up early for devotion and getting breakfast ready for my family without disturbing their sleep?
I have two kids (ages 2 and 3) who are light sleepers, and I worry that an alarm will wake them since they’ve been known to wake up at the sound of a car driving by outside. They generally wake up around dawn anyway, so I really don’t want to wake them earlier because they won’t be getting enough sleep. With this in mind, I have wanted to wake in the morning to do a devotional each day and start the day off right, but I can’t figure out how to make it work without disrupting the rest of my family. Do you have any suggestions? Or alternatively, do you have any suggestions on how I can do a morning devotional if they’re awake with me?
I’m sorry to bother you with such a silly question, but it’s something that’s been circling my mind for months and I just don’t know what to do with it. I know that as they get older things will be different, but I would like to find at least a temporary solution for now.
– Amy
A: Hi Amy, I understand how hard this can be. I had a baby, (she’s 9 now) who would wake up at any noise and was sooo hard to put to sleep! This is not a silly question! I am so glad you asked!
First, I would pray about it.
Second, go to bed early enough that waking up early is easy.
Third, ask God to help you wake up at a specific time. (I can’t count the times I have asked God to wake me up at a certain time and He has! )
I use my cell phone for my alarm clock. My husband uses our actual alarm clock. But with my cell phone I can set the ringer on real low – say 2 or 3. and it will wake me up. I don’t know if that would work for you.
So, if none of those ideas work, I’d have my devotions at the breakfast table either during or just after we ate.
I usually do family worship with my kids just after breakfast. Since your children are little you could have family worship and then tell the kids to go play for 15 or 30 minutes (whatever you feel your kids can handle) while you have your “Mommmy Worship Time.”
If they try to bother you during that time tell them that they have to wait until you are done. If you have a problem with them listening to you, try setting an egg timer and telling them that when they hear it “ding” they can come out of their rooms (or where ever they are playing).
This time will pass quickly and it will get easier as time goes on. One day you will miss all this! I hope these suggestions work. May God bless your efforts!
– Melissa
Shaving Cream Paint
I found this idea over at No Time for Flash Cards.
Shaving Cream Paint
3/4 cup shaving cream
1/4 cup white school glue
spoonful of paint for color (optional)
Mix together. You now have an awesome 3-D paint for your little ones!
A Year of Family Worship: Getting Started
How do you get started with Family Worship if you have never done it before?
First, I would suggest you seek the Lord out and ask Him to direct your worship. After all, He is the One we are worshiping! We want it to be pleasing to Him, right?
Secondly, choose the best time of day. If you are able to have morning and evening worship – wonderful! I try, but there are days when it just doesn’t work. In our house, we have morning worship at the table after eating breakfast. This works out easiest for us. Evening worship in our house usually happens around 7 pm. If you are not able to do it twice a day, choose a time when the family is generally together – right before bed, before leaving for school, etc. Family Worship does not have to take very long 15 minutes is usually all you need to have a good experience. Of course, if you are enjoying yourselves and time is on your side, why not take as long as you like?
You will want to choose a good devotional book or a book with Bible stories suitable for the ages of your children. You may also want to purchase song books with fun worship songs. In our house we use a book that my husband used in church as a child back in the 1950’s. It is called Happy Songs for Girls and Boys. I was very lucky to find a big stack of these song books for free at a church school book giveaway. We also have a number of praise song books and of course a good number of fun songs right in our heads!
If you have a family member – including a child – who plays the piano or guitar or other instrument, encourage them to play for worship. I am especially partial to guitar music at worship time!!
In our house we like to start by singing songs, followed by story time, discussion, Scripture memory, and prayer. Give your children an opportunity to share prayer requests and then make a point to pray for them. You may want to keep a family prayer journal and record prayer request in black ink and answers to prayer in red ink!
Worshiping God together as a family will bring you closer together as a family and closer to God!
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If you would like to take part in A Year of Family Worship, add your blog to the Mr. Linky below. If you don’t have a blog, you can add your comments in the comment section! You can read about A Year of Family Worship here. And you can see the 52 Weeks of Family Worship here.
Each Wednesday, we will add a new post for A Year of Family Worship and you can do the same. Share your goals, experiences, and ideas for family worship with the rest of us!
If you do not have a blog… you can either post your ideas here in the comments or even join our Proverbs 31 Sisters Network and get a free blog that way!
When you add your link below with the Mr.Linky… please add the link directly to your post on Family Worship – not to your main blog. This way, folks don’t have to go searching for the Family Worship post!
Q & A: Structuring the Day for a Toddler
Q: Melissa, Thanks so much for your reply. I haven’t tried a more structured routine because I fear I cannot keep being consistent with it. He does spend a lot of time alone during the day as I tend my 1 yr old(nursing, changing, (etc.) I have never considered him being alone causing his independence, but I can see where it would. I do not feel an adequate mother because at times I do raise my voice(yell) and get irritated when I am interrupted. I feel pulled in a million directions and often resent the time I have to spend with all the responsibilities I have. Any advice on a good routine for a 3 1/2 yr old, with a still nursing on occasion 1 yr old? Thanks!!!
A: Dear Mom, Toddlers can be very trying or very rewarding. I remember when my son who is just about to turn 19 was 3 1/2 years old and I had a newborn baby girl. At the time I was very young and despite my best efforts I just didn’t know how to handle him. I have learned a lot since then! It’s too bad that sometimes our firstborn children don’t get the best of us.
A lot of things can affect the behavior of your toddler. A calm child is more likely to come from a calm home and vice versa. Keep in mind here, that there are exceptions to the rule! But generally this is the case.
Your three year old knows that when you sit down to nurse the baby that you are distracted. He also knows when you are distracted with other tasks whether it is changing a diaper, cooking a meal, cleaning the house, or reading a book. Three year olds naturally want to take advantage of the situation! Not only that, but three year olds want your attention, so if he is occupying himself for large portions of the day he is going to be harder to handle.
I know how easy it is to want to “escape” from reality by sitting down with a book, computer, television, etc. – ignoring the little tyke as he pulls all of the books off the shelf or gets into the refrigerator. You just want peace and quiet!
I also know how easy it is to feel like a three year old is a needy little monster who is sucking the life out of you. So, when you are trying to get your TO DO LIST accomplished, interruptions are not pleasant. You just want to get your stuff done and get on with your life!
Let me tell you though – I have been there and now that my 18 going on 19 year old is practically grown, I really wish I had taken more time to sit on the floor with him and listened to him talk to me, play with me, interact with me. In other words I wish I had spent more time being “present.” I was there, but my mind was elsewhere.
Thankfully, by the time he was school age I had a wake up call because I realized how fast my children were growing up and I have spent the last dozen years or more “being present.”
Jesus has given us the honor of being a mom. Our first and foremost ministry is not to our friends, it’s not to our church, it’s not to ourselves – it is to our family – our husbands and children. This time passes by soooo quickly! I know it seems like forever when all you feel is frustration and sorrow. But this will pass and you will wonder where the years went!!
It’s okay to take a time out from time to time and read a book or soak in the tub. And it is okay to insist that the house be kept neat and tidy. It is even good for your kids to know that responsibilities are important. But don’t forget that being there for your kids, paying attention to what they are doing – even when you’d rather be somewhere else – is in the end going to make everyone happier. Including yourself.
I often hear (and witness) moms who complain about their toddlers creating havoc in the home everyday. The child makes huge messes, throws temper tantrums, insists on having his way all the time. But my question is always this – what is Mom doing when little Timmy is making that huge mess?
If you are in the kitchen cooking supper and little Timmy is in the living room pulling all of the tape out of the VCR tapes – the problem does not lie with the child, it lies with the mom. She has allowed her little mischievous child to be alone for 30 minutes while she prepares the meal (which is a worthy endeavor). Rather than allowing him unsupervised access to the living room (or any other part of the house) put up a gate and insist he stay in the kitchen with you while you cook. Then, give him activities to keep him busy.For instance:
- give him a drawer of pots or toy dishes he can play with
- feed him grapes or carrot stick while he waits for supper
- pull out a special coloring book reserved just for that same time each day
- let him tear up lettuce for the salad, stir the cornbread batter, or shake the “Shake and Bake”
If your toddler helps himself to the fridge every time you sit down to nurse the baby (or whatever), instead of letting him have free reign of the house, put up a gate and give him a box of blocks or other toy to play with. One of my favorite ideas is to make Activity Bags for your toddler. Get them out only when you nurse the baby or at the same time each day when you need to get a chore done.
So, my point is, toddlers are going to get into stuff, if for no other reason than to test your parenting skills! Don’t leave them unattended! The other issue with leaving your child alone to occupy himself is the fact that is causes your child to feel insecure and unsure of himself. He realizes that the boundaries are too wide and what he really wants is structure and solid boundaries to keep him safe. Having reasonable rules and limits to what is acceptable behavior gives children a feeling of being loved and cared for.
Oh, and another note – a lot of moms don’t wake up before their children. Instead, little Timmy has to come and wake mommy up and ask for something to eat. Don’t be that kind of mom.
Here is a good routine for a mom with a toddler and infant:
6:00 am – Wake up. Have devotions and prayer time – if baby is away, nurse her during this time. Prepare Breakfast.
7:00 am – Wake up toddler. Make beds. Get dressed. Eat Breakfast. Morning Worship – sing some fun songs, have a Bible story, and pray.
8:00 am – Chore Time for Mom – Tidy kitchen & sweep, tidy bathrooms & wipe down sinks, start load of laundry,10 minute de-clutter. During this time you can do one of two things with the little ones – put the gate up and let them play with toys. Or let them watch PBS. I know television as a baby sitter [sigh]. It works.
9:00 am - Play time.
10:30 am – Snack time.
11:30 am – Pick up toys. Prepare lunch.
12:00 pm – Eat lunch. Tidy Kitchen.
1:00 pm – Playtime with Mommy.
2:00 pm - Nap/ Quiet time. Afternoon chores for Mommy – fold & put away clothes, mop floors, tidy house, etc.
4:00 pm – Play Outside time in good weather. Or Play Inside during bad weather, in which case at 4:45 have children pick up toys. Don’t just tell your toddler to clean up his toys. Work beside him. Also, having toys well organized makes this much easier. Teach your child from an early age to only get one toy out at a time. HUGE timesaver!
5:00 pm – Prepare supper.
6:00 pm – Eat supper.
7:00 pm – Family Worship.
7:30 pm – Bath time. Story time.
8:00 pm – Bed time for kids. Let me say that bedtimes can be really difficult. I still remember the frustration of putting my first three children to bed – the crying, the spankings – it was horrible. I wised up with my fourth and fifth kids. I laid down and snuggled with them. Those memories are precious to me – the conversations we had! The hugs and kisses! The sweet, happy bedtimes! I wouldn’t trade it for the world!
9:00 pm – Tidy kitchen. Prepare for tomorrow.
Once you do a routine everyday, your child will begin to know what to expect and when. Eating at about the same time is really helpful and can prevent a lot of temper tantrums caused by low blood sugar (hunger)! Patience in dealing with your children is really key – a calm mommy is more likely to have a calm baby/ child. If you always respond with a tense/ angry voice why should you expect any different from your child?
Don’t not try to get into a good solid routine just because you afraid of failing. Never forget that tomorrow is a new day! God can give you the strength to be the best mom possible for your children. It isn’t easy. Raising kids just isn’t. But it is worth every bit of effort!
A Year of Family Worship: Church History
“O come, let us worship and bow down: let us kneel before the LORD our maker.” Psalm 95:6
For the last few days, we have been reading a book each morning for worship called Angels on Horseback and Other “Grandma Stories.” I found the book at a church school library giveaway last year. It is not a fancy book. In fact, the printing is very basic and the binding looks homemade – but the stories are wonderful!
They are full of our church history. I didn’t grow up learning about church history. I want my children to know about those people who changed the course of the world through their faithfulness to God!
Stories of great leaders – stories of their real lives – show our children that despite the odds and despite the struggles we can all lay down our lives for Him. These kind of stories show our children where they came from, the legacy of faith and the spirit of truth that has lived in men and women down through the ages.
That’s what family worship is for – to inspire our children (and ourselves) to live for Jesus everyday – at home and away. As mothers we have been commissioned first to be ministers to our families, our husbands and children. We are to care for them in a way that Jesus would care for them. We are to show them that true faith is demonstrated in a life of service to those around you.
Family worship strengthens our relationship with each other and gives us courage to face the day with determination to live a consecrated life, to live a holy life. It brings into focus why we worship our Savior and show us the purpose He has for each one of us.
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If you would like to take part in A Year of Family Worship, add your blog to the Mr. Linky below. If you don’t have a blog, you can add your comments in the comment section! You can read about A Year of Family Worship here. And you can see the 52 Weeks of Family Worship here.
Each Wednesday, we will add a new post for A Year of Family Worship and you can do the same. Share your goals, experiences, and ideas for family worship with the rest of us!
If you do not have a blog… you can either post your ideas here in the comments or even join our Proverbs 31 Sisters Network and get a free blog that way!
When you add your link below with the Mr.Linky… please add the link directly to your post on Family Worship – not to your main blog. This way, folks don’t have to go searching for the Family Worship post!
52 Weeks of Family Worship
“O come, let us worship and bow down: let us kneel before the LORD our maker.” Psalm 95:6
Each week, over the course of this year, we will be looking at ways we can worship together as a family. You can Join in A Year of Family Worship here. Come back each Wednesday to join in!
- A Year of Family Worship
- Family Worship
- Making the Sabbath a Delight
- Cheerful Homes will be a Light to Neighbors
- Church History
- Getting Started with Family Worship
- Scripture Memory
- Q & A: How to Wake Up Without Waking Up the Kids
- Praying for Your Worship Experience
- Scripture Adventures
- Morning Worship
- Resurrection Cookies
- The Bible Story Books
- Lessons in Nature
A Year of Family Worship
“O come, let us worship and bow down: let us kneel before the LORD our maker.” Psalm 95:6
As moms, we have an incredible responsibility to raise our children to worship our Lord. There comes a time in every child’s life when they must take hold of their parents faith and make it their own. They have to believe for themselves. How do we as parents, insure that our children do not walk away from the faith we have taught them when they are grown? An astounding percentage of children (over 80%) leave the church when they grow up and leave home. This is across every denomination!
It isn’t enough to simply take your kids to church every now and then or even every week. You need to show them how to love their Creator, how to worship their Father, how to have a special, close relationship with Jesus Christ. You need to give them an example to follow as you daily die to yourself and walk a consecrated life for Him.“Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6.
Deuteronomy 6 tells us:
Now these are the commandments, the statutes, and the judgments, which the LORD your God commanded to teach you, that ye might do them in the land whither ye go to possess it: That thou mightest fear the LORD thy God, to keep all his statutes and his commandments, which I command thee, thou, and thy son, and thy son’s son, all the days of thy life; and that thy days may be prolonged… And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:
And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates…
Ye shall diligently keep the commandments of the LORD your God, and his testimonies, and his statutes, which he hath commanded thee. And thou shalt do that which is right and good in the sight of the LORD: that it may be well with thee, and that thou mayest go in and possess the good land which the LORD sware unto thy fathers… And it shall be our righteousness, if we observe to do all these commandments before the LORD our God, as he hath commanded us.
We are to teach our children to worship God and keep His commandments when we wake up and when we sit around the table and as we go through our day. Point out to your children the wonders of God, answers to prayer, miracles that happen. Pray together as a family and pray for your children – in private and with them present. And worship God together as a family.
Family worship not only strengthens their faith. Family worship strengthens your family. Having daily worship gives you an opportunity to show the children how to delight in Jesus.
Each week, over the course of this year, we will be looking at ways we can worship together as a family.
: Download the Spring 2010 Issue :
