The Heart of Her Husband: Day 8
“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.” Proverbs 31:11
With Valentine’s Day approaching in just a few days… I thought it would be fun to focus on different aspects of the marriage relationship or rather, how you and I can be better wives! Proverbs 31 tells us that the heart of the virtuous woman’s husband could safely trust in her. Does your husband trust you or does his hear lie in fear of what is coming?
You can read the rest of this series here.
Express your love… with love notes.
I don’t know about you, but when my husband and I were dating all those years ago, the moments we were forced to spend apart were agonizing. We wanted to be together forever… all the time. So, when we did have to be apart, we wrote love letters to one another. Sweet, beautiful words of love. Those letter from our years before marriage are gathered together in a box in my husband’s office as a reminder of our love.
Well, it never hurts to express your love in written form – even if you’ve been married for years! In fact, writing love letters to your spouse is one way you can really tell your husband how much he means to you. Be open and honest, but leave out any negatives that may be present in your mind. This is a time to express love words in flowery prose. If you need to, pretend you’re back in time and remember those delicious feelings you had for your guy way back when. Young love is so sweet! It never hurts to pump up your husband’s ego – he will appreciate the praise!
“My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.” Song of Solomon 2:16
Try leaving love notes for the next 7 days around the house, in his lunch, on the bathroom mirror (in lipstick, of course), in his car, etc. He’ll enjoy the sentiment.
When will my turn come?
A single woman’s perpetual question.
Last night I was having a conversation with Kenny, an old classmate of mine. He told me about a song which encourages women to be independent from men. Kenny thought the lyrics to this song were words all women needed to live by. In the song the artist said there was nothing better than a woman that wants him but doesn’t need him.
I asked a question that challenged Kenny’s way of thinking. I told him, independence was the easy part. However, when a a woman is so used to doing things for herself, she doesn’t know how to allow her husband to be the leader. As women we’ve all been taught to stand on our own, but not too many of us have been taught when to step back and let the man be the man. I explained to him that this was why a lot of women are still single and wondering why. They did all the things they were told to do but lost something along the way.
A lot of women don’t know what it means to “submit” to their husbands. Songs, like the one Kenny was listening to, harm women because women think they don’t need a man. A lot of women have been in control for so long they don’t know how to appreciate a man.
After we finished our conversation, I shut off the computer popped in a DVD, and nestled into my couch. I remained there for the rest of the night until retiring to bed. I took a hard look at myself. My conversation with Kenny made me wonder, “Why am I still single”. Being submissive is not something I oppose. I am loving, supportive, active, and a woman of my word, so why am I still alone?
The answer hit me before I could finish the thought. God wants me to himself right now. He wants me to fall in love with Him and give Him every part of me before He releases me to a husband. Like most single women, I desire to be married to the man that God has for me. Every time I see a baby, my heart melts. Every time I hear of a couple being married I want to know how they met, how they knew it was meant to be, and everything else that went along with their love story. Psalm 37:3-5 says,
Trust in the LORD and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, and He will do it.
It’s because of this I know that God knows my desires and he’ll grant them as long as I continue to live a holy life and dwell in Him. I have to first submit and give my all to Him before He will give me the family I long for. My mother and father have been married for 3o+ years and they were both awesome parents. They taught me that marriage is a commitment and hard work. Although she never complained about it, I knew there were times that my mom had to sacrifice for her husband and children. She couldn’t just focus on herself at that point in her life. We all depended on her.
As a single person no one depends on me. God wants my time so that I can focus on Him before becoming distracted with the joys of being a wife, mother, chef, nose wiper, tear dryer, and all around juggler. It is a joy to be content with where God has me right now. My time will come.
As Valentine’s Day approaches, I am not saddened by the lack of a physical companion. I will not go around popping balloons on the desks of other involved individuals. I vow not to sob every time a bouquet of flowers is walked right past me and delivered to someone else. Because I know that when I go home, I can lay out anywhere in my house and praise and thank God for being the most awesome companion ever. Instead of whining over one day of being treated special, I can thank Him for giving me life every day. I can thank Him for the love He shows me all the time. I will thank Him for comforting me at night. Then I will thank Him for not having to wash the dishes, clothes, or cook if I’m just too tired to do so. Single life isn’t that bad I guess and God is good.
The Heart of Her Husband: Day 7
“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.” Proverbs 31:11
With Valentine’s Day approaching in just a few days… I thought it would be fun to focus on different aspects of the marriage relationship or rather, how you and I can be better wives! Proverbs 31 tells us that the heart of the virtuous woman’s husband could safely trust in her. Does your husband trust you or does his hear lie in fear of what is coming?
You can read the rest of this series here.
Do you have a habit of nagging your husband?
“A nagging wife is as annoying as the constant dripping on a rainy day.” Proverbs 27:15 (NLT)
Have you ever found yourself nagging your husband to do basic chores around the house? Pick up your socks! Take out the trash! Don’t leave your dirty dishes on the table. Go mow the grass. Yada, yada, yada.
The Bible tells us that a nagging wife is like the annoying sound of a leaky faucet. A lot of wives feel that the only way they’ll ever get help from their husbands is by nagging them… over and over again. Nagging rarely ever works and when it does there is likely to be a feeling of resentment on both sides of the issue. It seems a little funny to me that husbands and wives way back in the Bible times had the same issues married couples face today. Obviously, some things never change!
However, there are some things you can do to help the situation if you feel like you need to nag your husband to get him to do anything.
- Pray about it. God is always there waiting to listen and help. He knows your concerns, so go ahead and lay it on Him. Maybe you’ll get a new perspective on things or even see a change in your husband’s willingness to help!
- Ask your husband once or twice and if the chore does not get done, do it yourself or let it go.
- Work out a compromise. Calmly discuss which chores/ activities each of you is responsible and then make a pact to each hold up your end of the deal.
Nagging your husband on a regular basis can cause lasting damage to your marriage. “It is better to live alone in the desert than with a crabby, complaining wife.” Proverbs 21:29 (NLT)
Q & A: Disagreement with Husband
Q: I think this [The Heart of Her Husband] series is nice and very encouraging. However, I am a working wife who works 10 hours a day and usually I work until midnight or later. my husband works a 8-5 job and is home in the evenings. We constantly disagree about the fact that he expects the house to be emaculate and dinner cooked when he gets home. however I have explained to him that yes it is my job to make sure that these things are done, but he must realize that I am not home in the evenings to cook dinner and he is..so my solution would be for him to prep dinner. I told him that if wants these things done in a timely manner that he needs to make it possible for me to stay home and be the homemaker. Which I have no problem doing. I pay all of my own bills and buys all of the groceries so I must work outside of the home. I am bringing home the bacon, least he could do is fry it up in a pan..what do you think?
- Cynthia
A: Cynthia, I can sympathize with your issue. I applaud your efforts! Obviously if you are working outside of the home during the it would be nice if he could pitch in and help with the household chores and cooking. If he is disagreeable, perhaps you could start using the crockpot on the days you work? One of my favorite sites for crockpot recipes is: http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/
As far as homemaking – keeping the house clean – make up a strict schedule for your basic chores, a rotating schedule for cleaning and make sure to do a load of laundry every day. Also, try to do those chores I suggested for the morning routine either each morning when you wake up or before you go to bed. Stick to a schedule and at least you’ll be somewhat on top of things.
In life there aren’t always easy answers, but I believe that if you do your best to honor your husband, God will bless you more than you can every imagine. God knows your best effort. Trust him to provide what you need and don’t forget to really spend time everyday praying for your husband (not that he’ll change so much as he’ll become the man God would have him to be and that you’ll become the woman he wants you to be. God bless you!
The Heart of Her Husband: Day 6
“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.” Proverbs 31:11
With Valentine’s Day approaching in just a few days… I thought it would be fun to focus on different aspects of the marriage relationship or rather, how you and I can be better wives! Proverbs 31 tells us that the heart of the virtuous woman’s husband could safely trust in her. Does your husband trust you or does his hear lie in fear of what is coming?
You can read the rest of this series here.
Do you go out of your way to be thoughtful to your husband?
Do you remember those first days, weeks, months after you met your future husband? You probably daydreamed about him and thought up creative ways to show your love for him. After you were married, you probably continued to go out of your way to nurture your love for him and his love for you. Then came the baby and perhaps another… and another…
Has life gotten in the way of your love? What kinds of things does your husband really appreciate?
- A cold glass of lemonade when he’s mowing the grass?
- A hot bath after a long, hard, stressful day at work?
- His favorite meal… just because?
- An hour spent detailing his car?
- A Sunday afternoon watching the game… without you bugging him about it?
- A hot breakfast in the morning – even if he leaves really early in the morning?
- A sack lunch filled with homemade goodies?
- A long kiss when he walks in the door?
What is it your husband really enjoys? What ways can you show him he is the king of his household and that he is adored?
The Heart of Her Husband: Day 5
“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.” Proverbs 31:11
With Valentine’s Day approaching in just a few days… I thought it would be fun to focus on different aspects of the marriage relationship or rather, how you and I can be better wives! Proverbs 31 tells us that the heart of the virtuous woman’s husband could safely trust in her. Does your husband trust you or does his hear lie in fear of what is coming?
You can read the rest of this series here.
Are you thankful?
Your husband goes out each day and does his best to provide a home, food, clothing, and more for you and your family. A lot women don’t really appreciate what their husbands do for them. All they choose to focus on is the negative things he does (or doesn’t do).
When you first met the man you eventually married, I would bet that you only saw the good stuff and brushed off the bad telling yourself that those things didn’t really matter anyway. We all do it. That’s why they say love is blind! But then, once marriage comes and the honeymoon wears off those negative irritants who seemed so small before become great big nuisances.
It’s time to reclaim the good and let go of the bad. Show your husband how much you appreciate what does do – even if you feel he could being doing more.
Women who stay home have no excuse for not doing their job and then expecting their husbands to come home and do all those things they didn’t feel like doing – washing the dishes, cleaning the house, taking care of the kids. Give him a break! He’s worked hard all day so you could have the gift of staying home! Own up to your responsibilities and show him how much you appreciate the gift he has given you!
Husband’s are not that hard to please. A clean house, well mannered children, some good food and a pleasant wife are really all it takes to show him that you appreciate what he is doing and that you love him. Everyone wants to be appreciated. Being thankful and showing your husband you appreciate him is part of respecting him. Spoil him! He deserves it!
The Heart of Her Husband: Day 4
“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.” Proverbs 31:11
With Valentine’s Day approaching in just a few days… I thought it would be fun to focus on different aspects of the marriage relationship or rather, how you and I can be better wives! Proverbs 31 tells us that the heart of the virtuous woman’s husband could safely trust in her. Does your husband trust you or does his hear lie in fear of what is coming?
You can read the rest of this series here.
Can your husband trust you?
Trust is one of the most important issues in any relationship. There are many levels of trust. The first idea that comes to my mind when I think of trust is adultery. Whether or not your husband can trust you to stay faithful, to give your heart, mind and body to no one else. Once the threat or reality of an affair has occured, regaining trust can be very difficult and the feeling of betrayal runs deep.
I would imagine that most of you reading this article are not struggling with this type of trust issue. But there are other ways you can give your husband reason to doubt or mistrust you.
- Do you hide your purchases from your husband?
- Do you fail to do the “busy work” he asks you to do? (i.e. phone calls, pick up dry cleaning, etc.)
- Do you not work to keep the house clean so he is unable to spontaneously invite friends or co-workers over?
- Do you have a short temper or critical spirit?
- Do you fail to prepare food for him everyday so he can count on his meals?
- Do you waste money?
- Do you flirt with other men? (however “innocently”)
- Do you speak critically of or to his mother?
- Do you neglect to care properly for his children?
There are so many different ways you can tear down your own house. Only you know the method you are using. Ask God to deliver you from these sins and ask your husband to forgive you as well. Spend time daily in prayer seeking out that meek and quiet spirit that only comes from our Father in Heaven. He can restore the trust in your marriage.
The Heart of Her Husband: Day 3
“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.” Proverbs 31:11
With Valentine’s Day approaching in just a few days… I thought it would be fun to focus on different aspects of the marriage relationship or rather, how you and I can be better wives! Proverbs 31 tells us that the heart of the virtuous woman’s husband could safely trust in her. Does your husband trust you or does his hear lie in fear of what is coming?
You can read the rest of this series here.
Are you a home maker?
The Bible tells us that a wise woman builds her home, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands. (Proverbs 14:1) Regardless of whether you work outside the home or are a full-time housewife, God has called you to be the homemaker. Homemaking has such value! Do not undermine the sacredness of what you do – not only for your children, but for your husband as well!
I like how Ellen White says, “Let woman realize the sacredness of her work and, in the strength and fear of God, take up her life mission.”
Home should be the place your husband longs to return after a hard days work. The home should be inviting, loving, warm, free of tension and grief. The husband should be greeted not with a chaotic scence unfolding before as he steps inside the threshold, but rather pleasantness. He should be able to walk in the door and find a neat and orderly home; a clean kitchen with something delicious cooking at supper time; children who are polite and happy to see him; and a wife who smiles and greets him with words of cheer. It may sound idealic and it is. However, it is not impossible!
If you are struggling with homemaking, pray about it! Then, make a plan.
Sit down with a pen and paper and make a plan of action to carry you through each day. You should have a routine that you preform on a daily basis. You should have a routine for morning, afternoon, and evening. Here is an example of a morning routine:
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Wake up early ( 5 or 6 am)
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Prayer and devotion
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Shower
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Cook breakfast, wake up children, eat
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Tidy up kitchen, sweep floor
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Start a load of clothes in washing machine
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Make beds, wipe down bathroom sinks
If your house is in a state of total chaos, make a commitment to begin clearing out the clutter one room at a time. Go to bed every evening with your house clean so that you wake up to a clean house. Then, take a few minutes throughout the day to tidy up. Make it a habit and you’ll find a rhythm that works for you.
Your husband deserves fresh linens on his bed, socks in his drawer, good food on the table, and children who are well mannered. God has commisioned you to do it. Don’t forget my favorite verse, “I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens me.” (Phil. 4:13)
The Heart of Her Husband: Day 2
“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.” Proverbs 31:11
With Valentine’s Day approaching in just a few days… I thought it would be fun to focus on different aspects of the marriage relationship or rather, how you and I can be better wives! Proverbs 31 tells us that the heart of the virtuous woman’s husband could safely trust in her. Does your husband trust you or does his hear lie in fear of what is coming?
You can read the rest of this series here.
Do you pray for your husband?
Do you really pray for your husband? As wives, we should be on our knees every mornings offering petitions on behalf of our spouse. Not selfish prayers (Lord, could you please make him a better husband?) but prayers that are fervent, earnest, and heartfelt.
Your husband leaves home each morning to go to work and will face frustrations and temptations. He needs a covering of prayer. Years ago, I read the book by Stormie Omartian, The Power of a Praying Wife. It is an excellent book you should read if you have not already!
In the first few pages she writes:
“As I sat there, God also impressed upon my heart that if I would deliberately lay down my life before His throne, die to the desire to leave, and give my needs to Him, He would teach me how to lay down my life in prayer for Michael. Ge would show me how to really intercede for him as a son of Hod, and in the process He would revive my marriage and pour His blessings our on both of us….
I began to pray everyday for Michael, like I had never prayed before. Each time, though, I had to confess my own hardness of heart, I saw how deeply hurt and unforgiving of him I was. I don’t want to pray for him. I don’t want to ask God to bless him. I only want God to strike his heart with lightning and convict him of how cruel he has been, I thought. I had to say over and over, “God, I confess my unforgiveness toward my husband. Deliver me from all of it.”
Your prayers for your husband have power. Claim Scripture promises over him. When you have a disagreement with your husband, instead of arguing and raising your voice ask God to give you a meek and quiet spirit. Remember the words of the Bible that a soft voice turns away wrath. Go and pray about it.
There is power in prayer, but you need to have a right spirit. Ask God to forgive you of your own stubborn pride, your own selfish attitude and to create a clean heart within you.
There are so many things you can pray about for your husband. First and foremost, you can ask God to help you to become the wife He wants you to be – the kind of wife your husband needs you to be. Stormie lists thirty different ways to pray for your husband. Some of them include, his work, his finances, his temptations, his health, his priorities, his fatherhood. Think of some of the areas in your own husbands life that you can give some serious prayer attention and write them down.
I like to encourage women to keep a prayer journal. Writing down your prayers will help you stay accountable and focused when praying. Perhaps you would like to make a bookmark with a list of areas in your husband’s life that you can pray about and put it in your prayer journal or Bible. However you decide to pray, make it a daily habit and watch how God will bless your marriage!
The Heart of Her Husband: Day 1
“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.” Proverbs 31:11
With Valentine’s Day approaching in just 14 days… I thought it would be fun to focus on different aspects of the marriage relationship or rather, how you and I can be better wives! Proverbs 31 tells us that the heart of the virtuous woman’s husband could safely trust in her. Does your husband trust you or does his hear lie in fear of what is coming?
You can read the rest of this series here.
Do you respect your husband?
Respect goes deeper than just being polite to your husband. Many women do not give their husbands the respect they deserve. The Bible is clear on this subject. As wives we are called to submit to our husbands and show them respect just as the church submits to Christ.This is by far the hardest lesson a wife will ever learn! By our very nature we do not want to submit!
What does it mean to really submit?
Several months ago, I read the book Passionate Housewives Desperate for God. I highly recommend the book! In Chapter 8, The Dangers of Whitewashed Feminism, Stacy McDonald makes this point:
“Regardless of whether or not men obey God faithfully leading and loving their wives, as women, we are still required to obey God by faithfully and respectfully following our own husbands. Our responsibilities to the Lord aren’t contingent upon the obedience of anyone else. We are to submit to our husbands “as unto the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22).
Even when husbands fall short, God can use the faithfulness of godly, submissive wives as a catalyst for change. Peter says it can be done without a word – by our chaste and reverent behavior (1 Peter 3:1-2),
Even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands. (1 Peter 3:4-5)
If a Christian wife is called to submit even to a heathen husband, how much more should she submit to an imperfect Christian husband?”
Whether our husband is the spiritual leader we have always dreamed of or has disappointed our expectations, we have an holy command from Scripture to submit our will to his. Does this mean we never have a voice or should not speak our opinion? No. But there is a difference in demanding our way and stating our opinion with a meek and quiet spirit.
Do you make it easy for your husband to lead? I regrettably made a mistake not so long ago that I wish I could take back. My husband had suggested that we read a particular book during family worship. My instant reaction was that it was not a good idea and I voiced my opinion. I immediately regretted it. I wanted to take the words back, but unfortunately, once something has been said it can’t be undone.
I don’t always think before I speak. I don’t always have a meek and quiet spirit in my home the way I want to – the way I know God wants me to. I want to make it easy for my husband to lead me and our children. When we as wives give up our #1 status and allow our husbands to be the head our home, God will bless us.
Ask yourself some questions:
- Do I allow my husband the freedom to make decisions or do I always insist my way is better?
- Do I treat my husband like he is just another child, incapable of doing anything right?
- Do I belittle my husbands effort (however few) to be the leader of our home?
- Do I punish my husband with words or silence when I don’t get my way?
- Do I insult his intelligence and his dignity with words of wrath?
- Do I harbor anger or resentment toward my husband?
- Do I allow God to opportunity to grow my husband as the head of our home?
Join me over the next two weeks as I work to develop a deeper, stronger faith and a meeker, quieter spirit. You won’t regret it!
